Self-Criticism
"We are harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else." — Anne Burton
What Is Self-Criticism?
Self-criticism refers to how we evaluate ourselves. Being self-critical means to point out our perceived flaws or shortcomings and is something that all of us do from time to time. We criticize our capabilities, our achievements, mindsets, food choices, fashion sense, hobbies and so on – the list is endless.
In moderation, self-criticism can have a positive effect on our personal growth; it helps us to learn from our mistakes and overcome bad habits or weaknesses. However, frequent negative thoughts about ourselves or, more specifically, about our ability to complete a particular goal or task, can lead to thoughts of failure, self-defeat and giving up.
It can be hard to distinguish when our self-criticism is doing us more harm than good. Once it becomes something we do without necessarily realizing that we are doing it, it may be difficult to stop.
This module will guide you through three steps that can help you reduce your self-critical thoughts and adopt a more positive attitude towards yourself.
Understanding Your Self-Criticism Score
An optimal score suggests that you do not engage in harsh or excessive self-critical thinking and that you likely experience no significant distress. You are able to accept mistakes and learn from them. You may want to explore this module in order to maintain good functioning.
A satisfactory score suggests that you sometimes engage in harsh or excessive self-critical thinking, perhaps experiencing some mild distress. For the most part you are able to overcome this and are able to accept mistakes and learn from them. You may want to explore this module to work on those aspects where you are struggling.
A moderate concern score suggests that you frequently engage in harsh or excessive self-critical thinking which results in periods of significant distress. You may be overly focused on mistakes and struggle to accept them. We recommend exploring this module to work on those aspects where you are struggling.
An at risk score suggests that you constantly engage in harsh and excessive self-critical thinking which results in frequent and significant distress. You are always focused on mistakes and are unable to accept them. We recommend exploring this module to work on those aspects where you are struggling and to seek help from your GP/listed helplines if needed.
Why Working On Your Self-Criticism Is Important
When used for self-correction purposes, self-criticism can help you identify and learn from your mistakes, improve your behaviors and attitudes and ultimately lead to personal growth.
However, when your self-criticism becomes too harsh or happens all the time, it can contribute to:
Stress
Studies showed that self-criticism leads to higher stress levels and may cause depressed mood and lower life satisfaction.
Personal Difficulties
Studies showed that self-criticism leads to fewer requests for support from others when facing difficult situations in life.
Poor Life Outlook
Studies showed that high levels of self-criticism negatively impact our hopefulness and progress towards our goals.
We tend to 'criticize on autopilot'. Negative thoughts about ourselves and our behaviors appear on a daily basis and often without awareness.
It becomes a habit – an unhelpful one.
There are various signs for being over-critical that you can look out for:
Self-Blame
You tend to take responsibility when things don't go as planned, even when obvious outside factors exist.
Example: you planned a party and it starts to rain. You instantly get angry at yourself for hosting a party today.
Negative Self-Talk
You never boost yourself with positive messages such as 'I can do this, I am good enough, I can handle this'.
Example: you have to give a presentation. Instead of motivating yourself, you tell yourself that you are likely to fail and that you will embarrass yourself.
Over-Analyzing
Mistakes haunt you for a long time after they have been made.
Example: you forgot to call your friend for their birthday. Instead of focusing on how to make up for it, you waste enormous energy thinking about your wrongdoing and don't call them at all.
Never Satisfied
You are never happy with what you have accomplished. You could have always done better. Even when your results are positive, you pick up all your flaws.
Example: you ran a marathon and improved your time significantly. Instead of being proud you think about how you should have done better and what a failure you are.
Self-Comparison
You often compare yourself to others and feel like they do better than you.
Example: you always think that your work colleagues do their tasks better than you and are more valuable to the company.
All Or Nothing
Instead of focusing on a specific behaviour that has caused you to make a mistake, you blame yourself and your personality as a whole.
Example: you think 'I am a failure' instead of 'I should have taken the earlier train, the next time I will make sure to be there in time'.
Self Criticism And Personal Standards
Your Terrace Metrics assessment results will also have given you information about your personal standards. These are the expectations you have for yourself and your life.
Your level of self-criticism largely influences your personal standards and vice versa. Being overly critical of yourself can make you feel that you are unable to live up to your standards, resulting in perceived failure and self-punishment.
In order to ensure good mental health, motivation and productivity, it is important to find the right balance between your levels of self-criticism and how high you set your personal standards.
Please consider exploring tools for improving both areas.
How Can You Become Less Self-Critical?
It is important to remember that your self-critical thoughts are not fixed. You have the ability to change how you evaluate and treat yourself.
You can do this in three steps:
Step 1: Awareness
Becoming aware of your self-critical thoughts.
As a first step it is important to become aware of the self-critical thoughts you have. Imagine there is a parrot on your shoulder that constantly squawks disapproval in your ears. It is easier to identify words and phrases that harm us if they are spoken by someone else. If they are internal however, we tend to be less aware and accept them easily. The Poisoned Parrot is a nice anecdote to illustrate this.
Step 2: Questioning
Questioning your self-critical thoughts and changing your perspective.
After becoming aware of your self-critical thoughts it's important to question and change them into something positive. This is an important step and all it takes is some practice. Over time it will become easier for you to identify these negative thoughts, become aware that they are not true and reframe them more positively.
Step 3: Self-Compassion
Treating yourself with love, acceptance and appreciation.
It is not enough to simply become aware of your negative self-talk and question it. The ultimate step is to turn that self-criticism into self-love and self-acceptance.
Self-Compassion is not about being the best possible version of yourself but about embracing the person that you are. For many people it is easy to extend compassion to others, but much harder to show that same compassion to themselves.
Meditation & Mindfulness
Click the button to access our module on mindfulness & meditation that includes helpful practices to listen to yourself, tune into your body and practice self-compassion.
Click HereBy understanding these steps and using relevant strategies, you can learn how to decrease your self-criticism, look at challenging situations from a different perspective and achieve your goals, even when obstacles get in your way.
Tools To Reduce Your Self-Criticism
Negative & Positive Words
A method for realizing how the words you use to describe yourself can impact your feelings.
Start NowThinking Traps
An explanation of some common thinking traps to help you identify occasions where you have engaged in such thinking.
Start NowThink Of A Friend
A way for you to shift your perspective and treat yourself as you would treat a good friend.
Start NowWeighing The Evidence
Learn how to balance positive and negative thoughts by weighing the evidence you have for or against them.
Start NowPositive Affirmations
Positive statements that help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts.
Start NowPracticing Gratitude
Access our module on practicing gratitude, which is the recording and reflecting on things which you are grateful for.
Go ThereNegative & Positive Words
This tool allows you to realize how the words you use to describe yourself can impact your feelings and wellbeing. It can also help you identify how often you treat yourself with criticism rather than compassion.
1. Look at the words on the first page of the worksheet in the Download Materials and allow each one to sink in. Imagine they apply to you and notice how they make you feel. Do they impact your mood? Give each word a score from -10 to 10.
2. Now look back at the worksheet. Some of these words might be quite familiar to you. Have you ever described yourself like that? If so, circle the relevant words.
These are your self-critical thoughts.
3. Now do the same for the second page. Listen to yourself and imagine these words apply to you. How do they make you feel? Give each word a score from -10 to 10.
4. Do the same reflection. Are any of these words familiar to you? Have you ever described yourself like that? If so, circle the relevant words.
These are self-affirmations.
5. Now look back at both pages. How many of the 'self-critical words' and how many of the 'self-affirming words' do you usually use to describe yourself? Is there a disparity between the two?
Thinking Traps
During periods of distress it is normal to experience patterns of negative thinking. For example, believing that you are "never good enough" or that you "will fail anyway".
These are called Thinking Traps or Negative Automatic Thoughts – patterns of thought that prevent you from seeing things as they really are. When they persist, negative thoughts like these can contribute to your distress and make it harder to cope.
This tool explains some of the most common thinking traps and encourages you to reflect on the occasions where you might have engaged in such distorted thinking.
Using the worksheet in the Download Materials explore some of the most common thinking traps. Understanding what these thinking traps look like will help you get better at identifying them.
1. Start with the first two pages. Look at each thinking trap and think about whether you have engaged in such distorted thinking before. Next to it are suggestions for replacing that thinking trap the next time you encounter a difficult situation.
2. On the third page, place a tick next to each thinking trap that you recognize yourself engaging in.
3. Next to each thinking trap you ticked, note down at least one specific occasion where you used that thinking trap in the past.
Think Of A Friend
This tool works best without knowing its exact purpose. So, before reading any further, take some time to fill in the worksheet in the Download Materials and really think about whatever you write down. You can then proceed to the 'Further Explanation' tab.
Now that you have reflected on what you wrote down, do you notice any differences in what you said to yourself after wrongdoing compared to what you would say to a good friend in the same situation? Were you harder on yourself than you would be to a friend?
Now, ask yourself why this might be?
Further explanation: when putting ourselves down, we often embrace a double standard. This means that we treat ourselves more harshly than we would treat a friend in a similar situation.
For example, we tend not tell our friends that they are stupid or incapable if they make a mistake. We do not make them feel like they are a complete failure or that they will never do better. Instead, we tell them that it isn't so bad, that their mistake doesn't make them a less valuable or loved person and that they will do better next time.
Next time you make a mistake or find yourself in a difficult situation, instead of putting yourself down, try talking to yourself in the same compassionate way you might talk to a dear friend who was upset.
Weighing The Evidence
Sometimes you will be aware of your self-critical thoughts but may be unsure of how to change them into something positive. The next time you notice negative thoughts about yourself occurring, try checking whether you have any real evidence to support these thoughts.
Use the 'Weighing The Evidence' worksheet in the Download Materials tab to help you.
When you focus excessively on negative thoughts they can become extreme, causing you to:
- Blow things out of proportion – e.g. because I made a mistake, I will lose my job.
- Jump to conclusions – e.g. because this happened, this next thing is going to happen.
- Overgeneralize – e.g. because this happened once, this will always happen.
- Mind read – e.g. my boss doesn't like me, I just know it.
- Label – e.g. I am useless.
Next time you catch yourself thinking in this way, write the thought down. Then, using the worksheet in the Download Materials, write down all of the evidence that supports the thought (evidence must be hard facts, not yours or anyone else's opinion). Next, write down all of the evidence that contradicts the thought. From here, you should be able to reframe the thought in a more balanced way.
Positive Affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements that help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When you repeat them often, you encourage your brain to adopt a more positive outlook on your life and your capabilities.
Over time, the positive changes to your thoughts will also be reflected in your behaviour.
There is no right or wrong way to practice your affirmations but some suggestions include:
- Writing the affirmation down. Write the affirmation in a journal, diary or on your computer and add to it each morning until you have a comprehensive list of positive statements ready for whenever you need a little boost.
- Saying the affirmation out loud. When you wake up in the morning look at your reflection in the mirror and recite the affirmation out loud to yourself three times to solidify it in your mind.
- Downloading an affirmation app. Download a free affirmation app and get daily affirmations sent straight to your phone.
Note: what you choose to write in your affirmations is entirely up to you. Statements can range from something specific to do with your ability to perform in your job to something more general about your life. The important thing is that each affirmation is a positive statement created by you about you.
The flashcards in the Download Materials contain some examples to help you get started.
Here are some ideas for affirmation applications you can download to your mobile phone/tablet. All of these have free basic versions you can use with optional paid upgrades.
- ThinkUp: receive daily affirmations and personalise your experience by adding music, imagery and your own voice recordings.
- Unique Daily Affirmations: receive a new uplifting affirmation every day and let your mind think about it throughout the day.
- Selfpause: write and record your own affirmations and access professionally recorded affirmations, meditation music and nature sounds.